Tag: resolve conflict

Stop…go and be reconciled…

Resolving conflict and bringing peace into our relationships has been my theme this year. For this post we will turn to the subject of reconciliation, as we look again at Jesus’ teaching in the Sermon on the Mount.

So if you are offering your gift at the altar and there remember that your brother has something against you, leave your gift there before the altar and go. First be reconciled to your brother, and then come and offer your gift. Matthew 5:23-24 esv

When I first read these verses, I was surprised that Jesus said to leave your gift before the altar and not offer it until you have reconciled with the one who has something against you. Thinking we are to honor God above all, to leave an act of worship incomplete seemed strange, almost dishonoring to God. In my mind, I should finish what I have started, finish offering God the gift and then go and be reconciled. So does this command to stop and go, mean that to truly worship God, I need to have a clear conscience before Him? Is it not enough to confess my sins to Him…do I also have to do all I can to right my wrongs and bring peace in my relationships?

According to a dictionary the English word reconcile comes from the Latin re, again, conciliare, to unite….to be reconciled is to be reunited. Jesus does not say, “Go and say I am sorry”. We are often taught as children to say we are sorry (even if we really aren’t). Asking for forgiveness is a starting point for reconciliation, but it may take work on our part for the other person to change his/her mind in regard to what they have against us. In fact depending on how we have wronged the person or how long it has been going on, restoring the relationship may take much time and effort.

I can’t help but think of Zacchaeus. You may remember him from the children’s song about a “wee little man” Zacchaeouswho climbed up in a sycamore tree in an effort to see Jesus. As a result of his faith he promised to go back to people who had something against him and say “I am so sorry I cheated you”. No, he pledged to make right by giving back four times as much.

Zacchaeus stopped and said to the Lord, “Behold, Lord, half of my possessions I will give to the poor, and if I have defrauded anyone of anything, I will give back four times as much.”  Luke 19:8

Of course there is also the possibility that you may feel you are not the only one at fault in this conflict. Does that change how you handle it? Does God let us “off the hook” if both parties are at fault in a conflict?

No…not at all. In fact God commands us to love, pray, do good and bless our enemies (Luke 6:27-28). We are to treat those we have something against like we would want to be treated (Luke 6:31).

Why…does God ask us to ask to reconcile when someone has something against us? Why are we to show kindness to others that we may see as undeserving? We are to do this because God shows us love (Ephesians 2:4-5) and we are to imitate Him (Ephesians 5:1).

But love your enemies, and do good, and lend, expecting nothing in return; and your reward will be great, and you will be sons of the Most High; for He Himself is kind to ungrateful and evil men. Luke 6:35

Conflict in the express lane…

In January I chose peace as my word of the year. I have come to realize that peace isn’t just the absence of conflict but more importantly, a result of handling conflict or at least the potential of conflict correctly.

 Pursue the things which make for peace and the building up of one another Romans 14:19 NASB

Recently, I needed to pick up few groceries. As I pulled my cart up to the express self-check out,  I saw a 50 something couple, the mother in law and two carts loaded FULL in front of me. The line was backing up behind me…

The store clerk walked over to the couple, Gladys and Mr. Gladys (obviously, not their real names) and reminded them that this was an express lane. Gladys had some not so nice words for the clerk and kept checking out their groceries. Then, as so often happens, the computer didn’t recognize an item scanned and it would not continue until a clerk had cleared the problem. The clerk, did not want to help Gladys, so she went to get another clerk. Of course all this time Gladys is complaining about not being helped…the second clerk comes, deals with the issue and walks away…

Another register becomes available so I begin to check out. But then just minutes later Gladys has another problem…The clerk sees the blinking light, knows there is a problem but will not even look at Gladys, but slowly goes to find the other clerk again. Gladys’ complaints are getting louder…I really wanted to stay and watch how it played out (well I REALLY wanted to say a few words to Gladys, but wisely did not).

As it is too often true in a conflict, Gladys could only see how she was not being treated as she thought she should be. The fact that she should not have used the express lane when she had carts FULL of food escaped her and the fact that she was rude to the clerk initially. No Gladys could only see what Gladys wanted and seemed to have unkind words to anyone who would get in her way. (I did notice “Mr. Gladys” waiting quietly as this all played out; I am guessing that he has had years of practice).

The clerk, was not willing to overlook Gladys’ behavior and give her the help she needed, at least not directly.

Consider this scene…what could have been done to prevent the conflict or stop it from escalating?

Think about a conflict you have experienced. What could you have done to prevent or at least minimize it? Do it! You will not be sorry! (You never know when someone might write about your bad behavior and call you Gladys.)

Never pay back evil with more evil. Do things in such a way that everyone can see you are honorable. Do all that you can to live in peace with everyone. Romans 12:17, 18 NLT