Tag: conflict

God’s Blueprint for FORGIVENESS…

The third in a series ( Blueprint for a Perfect Relationship and God’s Blueprint for Relationships: Love)

Remember that apology your Momangry-baby forced you and your siblings to give each other after yet another childhood fight…one that was grudging given and half-heartedly accepted? On a good day you would go back to playing together. On a bad day, you would go to separate corners of the house to mope about the unfairness of the other. Too often this is our view of forgiveness…a forced apology and mumbled acceptance.

“Be kind to one another, tender-hearted, forgiving each other, just as God in Christ also has forgiven you.”   Ephesians 4:32

  1. We fail to forgive because we forget how we have been forgiven

By nature we are sinners…children of wrath (Eph 2:3). This sounds harsh, but we must understand that our goodness is never good enough before God. Our sins keep us separated from God, His promises, and without hope in the world (Eph 2:12). God, not wanting us to stay in our sinful condition, provided a way for us to find forgiveness of our sins. Because of His great love for us, He sent Jesus to be the propitiation for our sins (Hebrews 2:17).

How are we forgiven by God?    Through the blood of Christ, we have the forgiveness of our sins, according to the riches of His grace which He lavished on us (Ephesians 1:7-8a).

Paul describes this forgiveness as canceling the certificate of debt (our sins) against us, taken out of the way by Jesus being nailed to the cross (Colossians 2:13-14)

Why are we forgiven?   We are forgiven that we may be cleansed from our sinfulness (1 John 1:9) and to have a renewed relationship with God…being brought near and having peace with Him (Ephesians 2:12-14).

  1. When we forgive others it honors the One who forgave us

We need to realize that forgiveness is choice we make, not just because we have been told to forgive, but out of our appreciation of the tremendous mercy and grace of God’s forgiveness for our own sins. If God was able to forgive us, the forgiveness of another is a small thing for Him to ask of us.

How are we to forgive? We are to forgive as often as we are sinned against, even to  70 x 7 times  (Matt 18:21-22). We are to put on a heart of compassion, kindness, humility, gentileness and patience that is seen as we forgive the complaints we have against others (Colossians 3:12, 13). We give grace because we have been given grace (Ephesians 1:7-8).

  1. Our failing to forgive has eternal consequences

When we do not forgive, but instead hold on to anger, bitterness and resentfulness, we sin, making barrier between God and ourselves. He cannot forgive us when we refuse to forgive others (Matthew 6:14, 15; 18:35). Not only must we forgive others, we must ask for forgiveness of others. God is aware of our sinfulness and our need to ask for forgiveness, we need to be reconciled with others before we can come to God (Matthew 5:23-24).

 

Forgiveness is a choice…We all make choices that hurt our relationships. Asking and receiving forgiveness is the key to keeping relationships alive or having them explode into anger and pain.

If love can be described as the flame that keeps a relationship strong, then forgiveness is a fan that strokes the flame. Unforgiveness would be a bucket of ice water that extinguishes the flame.

Conflict in the express lane…

In January I chose peace as my word of the year. I have come to realize that peace isn’t just the absence of conflict but more importantly, a result of handling conflict or at least the potential of conflict correctly.

 Pursue the things which make for peace and the building up of one another Romans 14:19 NASB

Recently, I needed to pick up few groceries. As I pulled my cart up to the express self-check out,  I saw a 50 something couple, the mother in law and two carts loaded FULL in front of me. The line was backing up behind me…

The store clerk walked over to the couple, Gladys and Mr. Gladys (obviously, not their real names) and reminded them that this was an express lane. Gladys had some not so nice words for the clerk and kept checking out their groceries. Then, as so often happens, the computer didn’t recognize an item scanned and it would not continue until a clerk had cleared the problem. The clerk, did not want to help Gladys, so she went to get another clerk. Of course all this time Gladys is complaining about not being helped…the second clerk comes, deals with the issue and walks away…

Another register becomes available so I begin to check out. But then just minutes later Gladys has another problem…The clerk sees the blinking light, knows there is a problem but will not even look at Gladys, but slowly goes to find the other clerk again. Gladys’ complaints are getting louder…I really wanted to stay and watch how it played out (well I REALLY wanted to say a few words to Gladys, but wisely did not).

As it is too often true in a conflict, Gladys could only see how she was not being treated as she thought she should be. The fact that she should not have used the express lane when she had carts FULL of food escaped her and the fact that she was rude to the clerk initially. No Gladys could only see what Gladys wanted and seemed to have unkind words to anyone who would get in her way. (I did notice “Mr. Gladys” waiting quietly as this all played out; I am guessing that he has had years of practice).

The clerk, was not willing to overlook Gladys’ behavior and give her the help she needed, at least not directly.

Consider this scene…what could have been done to prevent the conflict or stop it from escalating?

Think about a conflict you have experienced. What could you have done to prevent or at least minimize it? Do it! You will not be sorry! (You never know when someone might write about your bad behavior and call you Gladys.)

Never pay back evil with more evil. Do things in such a way that everyone can see you are honorable. Do all that you can to live in peace with everyone. Romans 12:17, 18 NLT